Tourism is the most bizarre spectacle. I have never understood the joy that some of us garner snapping themselves silly, smiling beside the world’s sights and scenes. Do this or that site, then nip back to the coach for the next, ticking a country off in bits, captured on digital chips to be devoured later.
I sometimes wonder whether my mind fails to recall such sights that I have seen. For whatever reason, the monuments of tourism are forgotten to me. My memories of travel are animals dead on the roadside, notable beggars, distressing fellow visitors, various encounters with horrid insects, the affection of and pity for stray dogs, moments of hard-won solitude and a clutch of genuine human connections.
I must be clear that it is not so much that I dislike travel, but rather that the mechanism by which it’s more positive aspects are delivered seems never to meet my actual wants. Do not be misled and think that the dusty backpack tourism of the dogged traveller should suit me. I like hotel amenities more than most, so long as they are not incongruous with the adjoining economies, or brutally extorting money from me.
I do not seek hard travel. I am not a one for whom the horrors and calamities of travel can be woven into yarns, rich with extraordinary anecdotes and spun vividly before an audience. If I tell you of the misfortunes that have befallen me on worldwide trips it will sound from my mouth as a doleful sermon. How do people manage to avoid this I wonder? I think they carefully refine these tales and gauge their audiences, learning how to link individual experiences into a repertoire that hints of grand themes and a life of Robert Louis Stephenson-esque undertakings. But I have seen many of the same things and what I would tell you of is long hot journeys. Swarming tourists and itchy insects. Cameras that snip off my miserable countenance and record it in myriad slideshows that people will present at future family gatherings and tease: “My-my! Weren’t you in a cheery mood!” and I will try to rally with an explanation of why I disliked this specific tourism cattle auction and in telling so, I will get my ire up and have to bottle up a tantrum or ruin a perfectly good evening for everyone, again.
From this empty conference room, high at the top of the Dedeman Hotel, Cappadocia; overlooking the hills, plains and volcanoes that border the concrete mess of Nevşehir in Turkey; cool and quiet apart from the sounds of the distant road and the daily duties of the hotel staff; writing this prose and a couple of poems, I can quite honestly say that I am having the best kind of holiday experience.
When my girlfriend gets back from her daily tour, I will tell her this and I will see in her eyes that she doesn’t believe me.
This entry’s featured song, Sublime, was written while staying in a concrete youth hostel in Kuala Lumpur, so it seemed appropriate to present it following this little rant. It is dedicated to Loic who loves it and writes THIS blog.



