Snap

Sublime

Tourism is the most bizarre spectacle. I have never understood the joy that some of us garner snapping themselves silly, smiling beside the world’s sights and scenes. Do this or that site, then nip back to the coach for the next, ticking a country off in bits, captured on digital chips to be devoured later.

I sometimes wonder whether my mind fails to recall such  sights that I have seen. For whatever reason, the monuments of tourism are forgotten to me. My memories of travel are animals dead on the roadside, notable beggars, distressing fellow visitors, various encounters with horrid insects, the affection of and pity for stray dogs, moments of hard-won solitude and a clutch of genuine human connections.

I must be clear that it is not so much that I dislike travel, but rather that the mechanism by which it’s more positive aspects are delivered seems never to meet my actual wants. Do not be misled and think that the dusty backpack tourism of the dogged traveller should suit me. I like hotel amenities more than most, so long as they are not incongruous with the adjoining economies, or brutally extorting money from me.

I do not seek hard travel. I am not a one for whom the horrors and calamities of travel can be woven into yarns, rich with extraordinary anecdotes  and spun vividly before an audience. If I tell you of the misfortunes that have befallen me on worldwide trips it will sound from my mouth as a doleful sermon. How do people manage to avoid this I wonder?  I think they carefully refine these tales and gauge their audiences, learning how to link individual experiences into a repertoire that hints of grand themes and a life of Robert Louis Stephenson-esque undertakings. But I have seen many of the same things and what I would tell you of is long hot journeys. Swarming tourists and  itchy insects. Cameras that snip off my miserable countenance and record it in myriad slideshows that people will present at future family gatherings and tease: “My-my! Weren’t you in a cheery mood!” and I will try to rally with an explanation of why I disliked this specific tourism cattle auction and in telling so, I will get my ire up and have to bottle up a tantrum or ruin a perfectly good evening for everyone, again.

From this empty conference room, high at the top of the Dedeman Hotel, Cappadocia; overlooking the hills, plains and volcanoes that border the concrete mess of Nevşehir in Turkey; cool and quiet apart from the sounds of the distant road and the daily duties of the hotel staff; writing this prose and a couple of poems, I can quite honestly say that I am having the best kind of holiday experience.

When my girlfriend gets back from her daily tour, I will tell her this and I will see in her eyes that she doesn’t believe me.

This entry’s featured song, Sublime, was written while staying in a concrete youth hostel in Kuala Lumpur, so it seemed appropriate to present it following this little rant. It is dedicated to Loic who loves it and writes THIS blog.

 

The Tree

The Tree

Birds will clean up hereHere’s a delightful scene.  I drew this picture in stick-man form a good while ago then later recreated it in silhouettes on the computer. Some elements are drawn freehand; the figures are nineteen-fifties catalogue fashion drawings, renaissance paintings, pornography and bits of my own photographic collection. The song emerged later still, six years or so after the original sketch.

Certain features in the narrative of the scene have consistently haunted me. I don’t know the identity of she who has been hanged or the complicit citizenry on their detached and breezy descent. I sometimes imagine she is just one of those playful witches who dabble in the undercurrents of the age. She’s certainly not old enough to be guilty of any great conspiracy but one is never too young to characterise the underlying paranoia of the period. Whatever she did was sufficient to leave her skipping mid-air under an old dead tree.

And the lynch mob ambles happily homeward, comfortable in knowing that this is how these things are done; reassuring their children that there’s nothing to be afraid of. Everything is as it should be.

Somewhere in the scene a beast is lurking. Primed with hate and set to pounce.  If you are lucky you may never draw its attention and never even suppose that it was there. If you are unlucky it will turn on you and no cruelty is beyond its means.

Isn’t that a pip?

 
Go take her down now. So ends the class. Come home now people. Turn around. We all have things we need to do.
Take your children home whisper as they drift to sleep,-No nightmares. -No dark thoughts. -No shadow in pleasant dreams. -Be assured. -Birds will clean up here.- Leave her to them. -They get what they deserve.
 

Glug

Sometimes I am a classroom assistant on a creative writing course at a University. If my assistance is not urgently required, I occasionally join in on an exercise. I have written many impassioned bits and bobs.

When Teacher asks: “Who wants to read their work?” I squirm. I am not a student. I have already benefited from my fair share of undergraduate critique. It is not my turn, and yet I want to read my little bit of bollocks more than anything. Why else was it made? The little beating heart that I have breathed life into won’t be strong enough anywhere else but here in this class. It won’t mean anything to anyone who hasn’t heard the brief and without being seen or heard it will surely die exposed to the vacuum.

But this time I didn’t have the heart. So here I am writing as if I were the hole in the concrete block in the above picture. I got so swept up breathing tidal waters in my imagination that I had to show someone. So here you are.

By reading this short passage you have saved this little bit of bollocks from a cruel and unjust demise.

        ‘In. And out. In and out of my mouth. Cold hole. Draw the water. Fill me up with muck. Slurp. Slow and wait. Stop. Filled and Stilled. Then gentle slow, begin to blow forth. Out of my mouth you foul cold mouldy water. Pew. Out you go. Breathing the morning, the evening and the night. Moon light. You there moon! Bring me my food of fish foul and gloom. Tug in my mouthfuls of ice cold lagoon. All around. Gulp.’

Some Questions


The problem with being an artist in this day and age is the need to be versatile in more than one field. I have just read a story in which an artist is loudly critiqued on his contemporary abstract painting in a cafeteria. He responds with a clear rebuttal that is as sublime and concise as the band of white light depicted in his painting. It is an impressive defence of his work that causes his critics pause for reflection, a pause that probably helps them somewhat justify the massive sum they have paid for his painting.

His immediate and refined little soliloquy serves to re-establish his standing as a “great” artist. No doubt he was mentally prepared for such an attack by years spent in the service of his trade. It is easy to get angry about huge price stickers on simple objects. One who plies such a trade has to be well versed in a defensive position that does not diminish their work. In the service of defending the hallowed aura around their art, most artists I have found, have a counter-attack ready.

But would his artwork have survived without his vigilance and quick wit? Does the painting incessantly risk destruction if not supplemented by aphorisms? If the artist needs to be on hand to make the work valuable then surely he is part of the work. I suppose the artist is always part of the work. How could it be any other way?

There is no empty space for artwork to inhabit free of context. The stinking gallery, the stupid painter and the corrupt management all have their fingerprints in the oil paint, not to mention the irate observer. Publicity, pomp, all that crap finds its way into the composition. Often an Artist may deliberately attempt to direct as much attention as their egos can manage towards themselves as well as their work. The hinterland connecting author to publication is a dense jungle of arcane connections and the contemporary electronic networks we amass about ourselves do nothing to cultivate this space.

“I thought this blog was about your music Samuel!”

I want my work to receive attention so I open as many windows as I can, and in each one I present a different artistic arrangement. Sometimes it’s fun. Sometimes it’s hard work. Sometimes it feels like an endless and pointless waste of time. Does managing and decorating a blog, a website, a twitter feed, myspace, facebook, youtube or any of the myriad virtual exploits I have at one time window-dressed, bring me any closer to manifesting a work of art? Is it expanding one’s self creatively or is it a dilution of resources?  Buffing each facet of this disco ball is a Sisyphean task and an industry in itself. A Busby-Berkley routine of updates and responses that those who crane to be seen by the public eye must be prepared to keep up with. Who can maintain such pace? What kind of mental spaghetti junction multi-vehicle holocausts shall we see further down the road?

“Tiredness can kill. Take a break.”

After only a handful of blog entries I am already catching myself asleep at the wheel and yet I am now contemplating taking on another blog. The Samsjam.co.uk disco ball juggernaut requires a massive overhaul. Bits of glass have dropped off and the dull plaster beneath is visible for all to see. As the only spelling savvy member of the team, it must regrettably fall within my purview. As will the SamJam Twitter account. While I love doing this stuff; the writing, the doodles, the tweets and all that jub-jub, it is a lot of work. This little bit of bollocks took me days.

‘When the creator’s focus is off his craft, what trifling demons will be born?’

– me. 2011 (And the story was ‘Breakfast of Champions’ By Kurt Vonnegut.)

Two Minute Song

Mine

Mine

These are the fourth or fifth set of lyrics I have written to this guitar piece. Its quite a distinct tune and a lot of the themes I tried to weave into it just didn’t catch on. The song just floated around until I moved to London and then one day while working I wrote down something about looking for gold on a scrap of canvas and it finally settled.

Inspired by some daytime western drama about a miner I watched in a hotel in Thailand, the song is pleading to loved ones not to desert me despite the fact that I’m up to my neck in filth in a metaphoric underground search for something valuable. How can I convince anyone else of what wonders I perceive as I scrabble around in the darkness? I am utterly convinced there is something of inestimable worth down there, and yet what evidence do I have to show for it? I’m imagining the mine surrounded by piles of rubbish, rusted equipment, filth and slag and myself, a pale, emaciated maniac, nonsensical and battered trying to convince his sceptical family and friends not to desert him.

“Please stay. If you’ll wait a little more. Surely that great haul is just beneath the surface. I only need to dig a little while longer.”

HA!

What a black day

Selwyn’s Stories

Sunday is fast becoming my hardcore audio labour day. I haven’t moved from this chair for twelve hours, and that’s just today. Thank god I don’t have to socialise. Mostly I have been focusing on the highly anticipated SamJam musical. This, for those who do not know, is the story of SamJam in the style of an awful musical. I’ve wanted to write an awful musical for a long while, convinced it can’t be too hard, but its really hard. The first song is going very well but none of the others have taken shape yet, the storyline is preposterous and the work to success ratio is steep. Nevertheless James is beside himself with excitement as it is a perfect vehicle for his Andrew Lloyd Webber singing. Aside from this I have finished the song I wrote about last week. I shall give details and post the track on another post so as to maintain structural integrity. The jingle posted here is for the long awaited ‘Selwyn’s Stories’ segment due to feature in the next season of SamJam. Selwyn never made it into series one but we recorded him ages ago. I haven’t run the jingle past James yet so if it doesn’t feature in the podcast, consider it an advert.

Early Days

The Kiev Gunner

James and I have begun recording. We’re taking a rolling start into SamJam, so I hope the fanatics can hold off for just a little while longer. Actually it might be preferable if they were hammering at the gates, but dignified silence is the next best thing.

Getting back into the habit of turning moronic flappings into scintillating discourse is a daunting but rewarding process. I have been biting that and another older bullet in the scraps of available time I have managed to find for such things. Another old song that I had genuinely forgotten has resurfaced for treatment. It has not quite yet been made shipshape. Wild nights have done my vocal chords no favours and my guitar discipline is so shot that getting to the same quality of recording takes me triple the time it used to. I’ll post it as soon as it’s ready for consumption.

And with consumption in mind, here instead is the ‘Kiev Gunnar.’

It was one of my favourite SamJam tunes although it ended up pushed down the schedule somewhat and never got as big a fanfare as I was sure it deserved. A video was shot, but it was awful. My editing software never recovered after the summer studio catastrophe and sorting that out is not yet a priority.

Read the SamJam blog HERE if you want to know what gibberish I am singing about.

Open String

 

Open String

On Saturday night I hunted former glories in the dilapidated vaults of the G:drive and found a song I had been humming to myself in recent times.

It was a dirge I came up with during the early days of my guitar playing. A melody made playing only the open strings of the EADGBE standard tuned guitar. I revisited the song a couple of years ago during a period of debilitating depression and slipped some apocalyptic concepts I had been dwelling upon into the crucible.

Saturday night’s re-listening inspired me to work at the recording I had made back then and give it a little polish, and I spent Sunday doing just that and made myself feel quite nauseous in the process. The song is a grim affair but with it I felt I had managed to gather some of that black ichor of which depression is composited. Periods such as these are recalled as empty spaces in my memory. It is hard to relate to what happened then from  these times of comparative levity. I often think that winter cold is hard to recall when days call for shorts and tee-shirts and that summer is equally incomprehensible when four layers of clothing are a daily requirement. So it is with misery.

The song depicts a sort of dialogue with a mirror. The protagonist (one whom your present interlocutor is in the habit of defining by means of the perpendicular pronoun*) is wondering innocently what catastrophic force has levied such terrible damage on his life while the voice of the mirror responds unequivocally that they both know full well and furthermore what ever it was seems to have affected the songwriting process to boot.

At the time I was fixated with the notion that our minds were private septic tanks of bile and venom. That our interactions were acts of censorship aimed at avoiding connection or contamination with each others hate. The image of a universe of great black fighting spiders leaning up against glass divisions seemed appropriate to the malice I presumed basic to us all.

I don’t think that at all now. If the glass were suddenly to disappear we might fight for a while but without borders I think we would have no choice but to get along in the end. Maybe I’m a bit healthier in my brain than I was, but I still love the spiders image.

I think all the notes are still open strings although the singing is not and it was *Sir Humphrey Appleby who said that not me.

 

I declare this, the glorious reinvention of CalidoreTesio.com, open!

As hackneyed as the blog is fast becoming, it is a far easier form to manage update and tweak on a regular basis than the brain curdling horror that is FTP and HTML. Therefore in the spirit of this new epoch I shall lay out my sure to be re-evaluated intentions for this blog thus:

I intend to make the work that I created obtainable in the name of Free Art. Let these various labours be seen and heard; read and understood; downloaded and disseminated in intermittent spurts across the inclined face and open mouth of the whole world wide web. What need have I for keeping this precious stuff to myself?

Working in this fashion I will log my creations, outlining my own perceptions and intents while placing them in some sort of context. I will write, when the mood takes me, of events and happenings, of wild notions and exotic dreams, of powerful urges and hilarious encounters.

…and much gaiety was had by all